I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
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