On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
