2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
