I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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