Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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