I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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