At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
if only i could text you this smell
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Who died my cat blue again?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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