hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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