You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
