you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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