first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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