I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
