He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
