Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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