I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
