Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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