I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Randomize
