this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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