brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
