He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
