Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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