Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
