how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
this boner is exhausting
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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