I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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