mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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