This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
