I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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