I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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