ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
