I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
