in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
My ATM looks so different sober.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
