Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
