Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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