I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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