i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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