don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
