I wish I only lived at night.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize