I cannot find my penis.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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