3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
she peed on how many people?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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