he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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