There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
