I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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