hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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