They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
