My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
whose parrot is this?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
