Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
