She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
