BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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