So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize