there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize