Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize