i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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