I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
