Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
