The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
