so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
