Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
