things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize