Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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