I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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