We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize