i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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