Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
