Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i just had sex bonerless
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
