loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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