I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
