6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
