I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
